I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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