Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
