Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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