i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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