My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
