Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
