wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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