can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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