a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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