I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
