i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
