the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
