you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
BRING THE BAGELS
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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