what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
