ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
