bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
