I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
