oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
