Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
