Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
