I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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