wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
