How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
