i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
