My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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