Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize