I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize