I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
