"it" just moved
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
