I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
