They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
