Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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