Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize