My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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