I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
