the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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