Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize