Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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