I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
