did you get engaged???
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
