Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
