I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize