Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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