This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
this boner is exhausting
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize