I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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