Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
