Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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