Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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