i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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