I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
