even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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