Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
