Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
