Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
