we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
