I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
