I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
