3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
