I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
