Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
