I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
