I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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