is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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