He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
