so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
