She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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