the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
