I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
