Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
